I am thinking of having my foreskin restored by a plastic surgeon. Do you think foreskin is as much fun as I do?
ACKKK! For real? Well, do you. Foreskin is fun for many folks, and most gay guys I know find it super hot. I don’t know what it’s like to have foreskin, but I’ve dealt with it before, and it’s fun if you’re not scared of it. Though, in defense of those who don’t like foreskin, it can be kinda stinky and it just feels like a lot of extra flesh that you may not know what to do with.
If you’re not happy with your junk, and if you have the means to fix it, then fix it. It’s kinda extreme, and you should really look deep into your soul to see if this is the right move for you. Cause once you start cutting up and grafting on your dick, that’s it yknow? I wouldn’t start chopping my labia up, just cause. — T
I just discovered a porn video of my ex-gf (who I still love deeply and would like to be close with again someday) on a website. It was from like 10 years ago or something. I knew that she had been doing this kinda thing (stripping…but she never mentioned porn) when she was younger and has since moved away from it into other practices more up to her speed and interests. It made me feel weird and a bit melancholy to see it, but I respect her even more somehow, for seeing her in this light by comparison to her focus now. It was on a youtube-ish site where people upload digitized versions of movies they bought (or cribbed from other sources). The comments on the page talk about her beauty, but no one is vulgar…it's very strange. I'm thinking of sending an e-mail to the site to request they take it down…because it's copyright infringement (not that that's the real reason but that's the only non-personal one I can come up with). I'm not sure whether this idea is popping into my head because I'm possessive of her or something, or if it's because I don't want anything floating around that could hurt her career, or if I am just selfish and don't want any MORE people enjoying themselves than the 5,000 internet viewers and however many video purchasers already have ha. What should I do??
HOLY SHIT, my response was somehow erased. Sorry, I don’t know how that happened.
If you didn’t read it the first time, it went something like:
I don’t think you should contact the website. What’s the point? You don’t legally have much right to the material, and you don’t really have a personal right to it either. It would make more sense to just tell her that you found the video. If she cares about having that video out there, she can contact the website.
If I may be frank, it seems as if you really just want to enter back into this girl’s life somehow after seeing this old video that has obviously triggered some sentimental emotions. That’s totally okay — if I were you, I’d definitely contact an ex who I have no hard feelings for about some potentially damaging material that was flying around the internet. Especially if it was sexy! I’d feel a little like a creep, though, and I’d be careful about how I brought it up. Like in your question to AA, you kind of come off as though you’ve, like, studied every bit of the video, the comments, the related articles, etc., and it makes me question your intent. Be as non-creepy as possible. And hint: in order not to sound creepy, do not include the word “creepy” at all in your communications. Not even to say “not trying to be creepy,” because despite how much you mean not to be, it still comes off as creepy.
If you have any hidden agendas, consider them before you do anything. My bet is that you kinda got hot after seeing the imagery of your ex getting nailed at a time when she was younger, wilder, and in love with you. That’s cool, dude — a totally normal reaction. Hot in it’s own voyeury, remember-when kinda way. Howeva, you gotta know that if she’s on some different, more mature shit now, she might be wanting to keep that part of her life where it belongs — in the past. You can pop up and alert her to it, and even try to catch up on each other’s lives and hope that you get to bone again, but I warn: sometimes when you try to re-romance someone, the second time around is often disappointing. You might be better off beating it to the digital version, instead of going back for a second helping of lame sauce. — T
What?! No, I was talking about hair. Hahaha! I guess you just have dick on your mind.
Okay, my bad, but you made no mention of hair. :)
There is no such thing as hair that’s too long, if you look hot. Just know that not everyone looks hot with long hair. Sometimes guys that grow out their hair end up looking like they were in that movie Castaway, particularly if they felt inclined to grow the beard out too. Some chicks are into that whole ZZ Top look, but I generally think boys are most handsome with a good haircut and minimal facial hair. — T
You guys give clever advice that is charmingly 'off-the-cuff' AND deeply considered... but do yourselves a favor and ignore all the one-liners and the jokish sex questions. Answering those ?'s makes Asian Advice seem winky and insidery, as if you are openly communicating to your readers that you don't really care about what they think or if they even know wtf your talking about. So, is this blog about your friends, or is it about the winsome guidance from a pair of Asian Aesthetes?
My advice to you?
Stick to the advice.
If we were to ignore all the jokes, I feel we’d be doing ourselves and our readers a great disservice. It’s awesome getting questions and comments like those. And although we like to give thought-out advice, we’re not Dan Savage. Our tagline is “Let our ancestral knowledge guide you,” like, we’re obviously going to be goofy about it.
Sorry if you’re left out of some our inside jokes.
But like, why do you care so much? We didn’t ask for your opinion, but we’re still validating it by posting it and responding to it. So what if these people with dick problems and Asian fetishes asked us for our advice? I’m happy to give it. Start your own blog? — T
Be a good listener, obvi. Even when you’re sick of hearing about it.
If they maybe want to get back together with who they broke up with, give them your honest opinion. Call out shade, and always support the fact that “you broke up for a reason.” Even if it’s just that the couple needs a break from each other.
But also, try and get them laid? There’s nothing that’ll shut up someone whining about their ex faster than a new lay. If they start feeling bad about moving on too fast or becoming a turbo ho, assure them that it’s okay, and that they don’t have to feel guilty about trying to place physical and emotional distance between themselves and their ex.
If they’re at a point where they don’t want to get out of bed, “not hungry,” have a hard time laughing, allow that happen for two weeks TOPS and keep an eye on them. It’s okay and sometimes necessary to feel that low, shit hurts and shit needs to be thought over and processed. Bring movies and snacks over. Smoke them out. Make sure they go to work/do things they’re supposed to do. At your discretion, pick a time to be like, okay, I’m done babysitting, get up off your ass and be an adult. — T
So here's the sticky. I'm in the culture industry and am pretty fucking successful in what I do. I'm attractive and have been told I have a charming 'blue collar intellectual' thing going on, so I haven't ever had any troubles getting my D S'd. but the problem is that I feel like my practice has been enabled by the fact that I am medicated for ADD. Used to be adderall, now it's vyvanse. It works great and it allows me to excel at my work, but it has the nasty side effect of only allowing me to get 3/4's hard during sex. So I've been constantly battling the decision of taking it to succeed in my career/artistic practice but sacrificing my sex life. Or not taking it, floundering at my passions, but being able to turn a girl's bound up tensions into puddles of soup. So what do I do? I've tried non-stimulants, but they don't work. I exercise, which does help, but doesn't give me the depth of focus i've come to depend on. I know my stuff works, so i wouldn't even feel ashamed if took a bump of cialis every now and again, but i'm pretty sure it's fucking pricey. hmmm....
Like I said before, I’m no dick expert and it goes without saying that I’m not a doctor either. BUT, is it actually necessary to take Vyvanse every day? Like when you know you’re gonna bone, couldn’t you just drink some americanos instead? I’m just not convinced that your drug use has to mean the end of your career or your sex life. Just maybe plan ahead more, and use the focus you get through your uppers to anticipate and plan out your boners. A cock ring might help, too.
Also, I dated a guy who may have had this exact problem, so I’m gonna tell you this from experience: become really good at fingering girls. Here’s how:
1. Have wide fingers.
2. If you have skinny fingers, employ more of the swirl motion instead of the ol’ in-and-out. Have your lady help you locate their g spot, because you’re gonna need it.
3. Make sure you clip your fingernails short. Don’t bite them, ever. I don’t want my vagina to get snagged on your insecurity.
4. Get them to the point with your hands where they almost want to lose their shit, and then stick your d in them and bang it out quickly so you don’t lose your boner, and you’ll hopefully both get off.
1. Don’t dwell on the fact that she’s Asian. Try not to say anything like, “Asian girls are so exotic,” or “Are you Chinese?” If you are curious as to what her nationality is, don’t make wild guesses. It’s annoying. Just say, “Where are your parents from?” and leave it at that. Asian girls are totally aware that some guys just like them cause they think we have small pussies (we do) and pretty hair (we do), and you should set yourself apart by being tactful and cultured.
2. Don’t assume that Asian girls are submissive, crazy, smart, or talented. Most are, but some of us are really, really not.
3. If you want to have something interesting to say involving Asian culture, read Art Asia Pacific. Just sayin’. ;)
4. Be sweet and respectful, and quit sexualizing her.
5. Try to dress as well as she does.
6. Buy her a Hello Kitty rice maker, if the vibe is right. Actually, find out her favorite Sanrio character (mine is My Melody), and buy her awesome school supplies for the duration of your relationship.
Good luck, we at Asian Advice love interracial coupling!